a friend of mine recently was commending me for my faith and heaped lavish praises on me for being so strong and a woman of such convictions. I stared blankly at her and after she finished, I said, wait, who are we talking about?
Truth is i didnt mean it to be false modesty in any way. There are days I don’t feel like that person AT ALL. My faith wavers out of control most of the time. While I may seem like I have it together on the surface, I, like most of us, am always just on the edge, blown about by the wind.
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” From Hebrews chapter 11.
In the strictest sense, I am sure of what I hope for. I am not entirely certain of what I do not see, but I have some general belief that there is so much more than what meets the eye and the senses. This guides me through the day because I know there are things going on far beyond my reach and understanding.
But there are days I can barely drag myself out of bed. I seem like a hopeful person with a lot of joy. It’s the one thing people seem to think about me – that I’m “happy” and energetic and always smiling. These people have no idea. To be completely honest, there are days I can’t even look myself in the mirror without bursting into tears. There are so many things wrong with my life and so many areas where I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I carry all this around with me like a bag of bricks.
A friend of mine once was joking about when he’s dating someone who has a lot of baggage… “yeah, I don’t mind that you have a lot of baggage, just stop talking about it.” haha!
The thing is we all have baggage. We’ve all gotten this far in life with all our mistakes and the pains that go with them. And it is Faith that brings us back to the recognition that we are here for a reason and it is still being worked out. We can have that hope that things do work together for good for those who love God and are called.
But there sure are days when I have no faith left. And I can only try to borrow a little of someone else’s. I guess Faith is also believing there will always be someone around with enough to loan out. Most of the time that’s me. And I hope my friends know that. We’ll always get through together. We’re made for all of this.