random robin

faith is

a friend of mine recently was commending me for my faith and heaped lavish praises on me for being so strong and a woman of such convictions. I stared blankly at her and after she finished, I said, wait, who are we talking about? 

Truth is i didnt mean it to be false modesty in any way. There are days I don’t feel like that person AT ALL.  My faith wavers out of control most of the time.  While I may seem like I have it together on the surface, I, like most of us, am always just on the edge, blown about by the wind.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” From Hebrews chapter 11.

In the strictest sense, I am sure of what I hope for.  I am not entirely certain of what I do not see, but I have some general belief that there is so much more than what meets the eye and the senses. This guides me through the day because I know there are things going on far beyond my reach and understanding.

But there are days I can barely drag myself out of bed.  I seem like a hopeful person with a lot of joy.  It’s the one thing people seem to think about me – that I’m “happy” and energetic and always smiling.  These people have no idea.  To be completely honest, there are days I can’t even look myself in the mirror without bursting into tears.  There are so many things wrong with my life and so many areas where I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I carry all this around with me like a bag of bricks.

A friend of mine once was joking about when he’s dating someone who has a lot of baggage… “yeah, I don’t mind that you have a lot of baggage, just stop talking about it.”  haha!

The thing is we all have baggage.  We’ve all gotten this far in life with all our mistakes and the pains that go with them.  And it is Faith that brings us back to the recognition that we are here for a reason and it is still being worked out.  We can have that hope that things do work together for good for those who love God and are called.

But there sure are days when I have no faith left.  And I can only try to borrow a little of someone else’s. I guess Faith is also believing there will always be someone around with enough to loan out. Most of the time that’s me. And I hope my friends know that.  We’ll always get through together.  We’re made for all of this.

oxo

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2 thoughts on “faith is

  1. Yeah….Faith. If any of us had faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move mountains. But who says we don’t already move those mountains? I think we move them everyday – figuratively, of course.

    I used to struggle horribly with Faith. People in and out of my life, people hurt me, people…. everything. You know… Christian people. What I discovered though is that I was allowing myself to be the victim. And I was impatient. And I couldn’t see the other side, where the other person was coming from… the pain in their life that caused them to act like they do.

    That’s when I figured out that faith isn’t about anything but me. I can’t make anyone grow faster, I can’t help anyone who doesn’t want help. Or says they want help but reject every bit of it you try to give them. Or never implement what they learn.

    But I do. I’ve had mornings before that I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. But those were the days I kept doing that same stupid thing over and over and over and… you get it 🙂 So now I learn. EVERYDAY! I learn something about me. And I take that to bed with me, and when I wake up, I’m excited about applying that to me. And in that, maybe someone else will see me grow. And maybe they’ll say “What’s up with that dude?!” And maybe they’l ask me 🙂

    So my life is my faith, my life is my testimony. I live my faith. I chase my dreams… the dreams that I believe that God gave me. I can look at me (even just physically) and see the positive changes over the past year. And when I look and see, I can hear a voice… and it says “It is good.” 🙂

    And it feels good!

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