random robin

the 11th again

A few weeks ago, I sat down at the piano and something happened that has never happened before in my entire life. I didn’t FEEL like playing.  When the realization hit, I burst into tears.

I honestly thought I was having some kind of emotional breakdown.  I had something like that for a few days following Sept 11th.  I had stopped eating, couldn’t focus on words, and couldn’t sleep for more than about an hour at a time.  All of those things are really incredibly rare. Especially the eating part. 

At the time, it was the devastation of what had happened on a general level for all of us.  but on a personal level, it was me fretting about my significant other who was 3000 miles away (I was in Los Angeles at the time) and I knew he would be on site at the WTC somewhere.  I was beside myself with grief and was replaying all the things that were said and left unsaid between us. 
You can’t anticipate the horror of such events, but in some ways, we always should. Maybe that’s why I’m always on the edge, and always so cynical about everything good that comes along.  It is bound to end at some point, and sometimes in fairly disastrous ways.

But sometimes I get over myself and learn to absorb every beautiful moment of life. Instead of being focused on the pain and misery of life today, I’m trying to focus on the moments we have of beauty and goodness.  i plan to remember the sweet times and the memories that put a smile on my face and warm my heart.  It is easy to sink into despair. But let’s not do “easy” – let’s do good


God be with you, today and every day


One thought on “the 11th again

  1. Yeah, that whole despair thing. I used to get stuck in that. People always say “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey”… you know, enjoy the journey… that kinda thing. Well, sometimes the journey can suck. Sometimes the journey can suck for a long time. That’s why the destination is important, too. If the destination is valuable enough to you, that parts of the journey that suck can be overcome. I’ve grown to the point that I expect the journey to suck sometimes… cuz you know it will. Then it doesn’t take you by surprise when it does. It makes it easier to get through for me. I think people have the tendency to fool themselves in to believe life will be easy, or that it should… then they get SLAMMED.

    Always remember… losing someone hurts, yes… whether it be to death or a breakup or whatever. But that persons life IS NOT YOUR LIFE!

    You get me?!

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