random robin

focus!!

i swear by this stuff… vitamin water by glaceau. from the label…

“Kiwi Strawberry flavored Focus Vitamin Water is a refreshing flavored water enhanced with vitamins. The berry-like flavor does a good job of quenching our thirst without the calories (only 40 per serving). In addition, this beverage is fortified with vitamin A and ginkgo biloba for mental relaxation. Overall, a great tasting beverage with a nice mix of vitamins & herbs that will help refresh you.”

personally i dont really care what is has in it. it tastes good and makes me happy. that’s all i ask of my beverages.

but yeah, i have a hard time focusing lately. there are SO MANY things going on in my life, it’s hard to get a grip on any of it.  it’s kind of like standing there and have a dumptruck back up toward you, and before you know it, it’s dumping a ginormous pile of cash on you. oh and you’re standing on top of a grate and bills are floating by you and slipping through the slots into the sewer below. you realize you should be gathering it up so you start to. but then you start feeling overwhelmed and have thousands of dollars falling through your hands and you can’t do a darn thing about it.  and you try to just be happy for the money you DO collect, but you know there was so much more around you, but it was just falling through your fingers and into the ground washed away by crappy water beneath you.

that’s it. that’s how i feel.  there is so much to be done.  good things. needed things.  there are people to relate to, friends to support and cheer up.  projects to tackle. lists to check off. all good things… well mostly good things.  and all you can do is all you can do.  is it enough?

i need some more water. the next couple months are only going to get “worse” – my job is totally focused on Christmas programs and it’s gonna be even more nutty – more hours, no more pay. which is ok on one level because i feel like i’m paying back all the time i’ve wasted doing completely selfish things and living a completely self-absorbed lifestyle for many years.  i feel good about giving back to the community and developing relationships with people who are in the thick of making positive changes. 

but i also feel scattered, like i’m doing everything half-heartedly.  and i’m not happy about that. i am way too competitive for that crap. i want to be the best. i want to fight and i want to win. and i feel like i’m losing a lot lately and that has to stop.

i am definitely going to need more water.

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