random robin

fakin it

Im such a dubious soul,
And a walk in the garden
Wears me down.
Tangled in the fallen vines,
Pickin up the punch lines,
Ive just been fakin it,
Not really makin it.

I grew up listening to Simon and Garfunkel, which is funny because my parents mostly didn’t let us listen to non-Christian music.  but they were ok with S&G for some reason – even though now I know the lyrics and think uhhhhhh ok.

Anyway this blog isn’t about the musical history of the Jester family.  Far from it. THIS blog is about me being a big faker.  I’ve gotten pretty good at layering my emotional output and letting people see one side of me.  i sit here at my desk and realize, hey I’ve had a really productive day and got a whole lot done.  I pat myself on the back. 

And then I think about the fact that my heart is hurting – again – for the same reason it hurt this much last time.  And I also realize that it’s really not his fault, or anyone else’s. Just mine.  Me myself and I.  But hey, I don’t have anything in my inbox and my to-do list is checked off!!  I rock! Maybe heartbreak really is the fuel behind my productivity.  I should have bad relationships more often… maybe having a good relationship will render me completely useless. LOL!!

Getting coffee a few moments ago, my coworker and I started talking and she said that she had no idea i was so unhappy today.  She asked, “Do you always hum when you’re unhappy?” I thought about it for a minute and said, I guess so. 

I realized I was humming the song from the Monchichi commercial 🙂

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One thought on “fakin it

  1. We’ve been around and around enough today that all I need to say is thinking of you…

    And funnily enough, I am the total opposite (where have we heard that before??) because I was totally unproductive today. Didn’t get a darn thing done.

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