arts, movies, music, pop culture · dating and singlehood

singles

I had forgotten what a fun movie that is. and a good solid soundtrack. I’ve been listening to Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack and the new U2 album, both of which are pretty sweet. But then I was channel surfing a bit while eating dinner and saw that Singles and Wedding Crashers were both on at the same time. So I spent a couple hours flipping back and forth between the two because they both make me laugh.

When Wedding Crashers came out, my bff Seneca and I went to see it and giggled hysterically like we often do together. It was just one of those movies that hit us both the right way.  I totally have a thing for Owen Wilson (even more so now with some of his more recent troubles which probably makes me sound insane and slightly codependent) and his crooked nose.  I don’t know – he always plays these quirky characters with a good heart but just not quite up on his feet right. And I totally relate to that. But for the record, I would not actually date him if he came knocking. I’m just saying… well, I don’t know that I would not definitely… oh whatever… (Owen, don’t read this blog ok) …moving on…

So, while I was watching these two movies, I couldn’t help but drift back into a conversation I had recently with a friend that left me a little devastated actually. I know this friend didn’t mean to hurt my feelings or imply in any way anything directly about me, but a few things said hit me pretty hard.  As anyone who has been single long enough knows, it is difficult enough to not (1) relive all your past mistakes, (2) feel worthless and pathetic, (3) give into self-pity and loathing, or (4) all of the above. I’ve been single for a long time and have racked up what feels like more than my share of breakups, heartaches, and mean tirades against my character, and on particularly hormonal nights, I can’t help but take it all so personally and deeply that I feel I will sink forever into the pit of despair. and as we all know, you don’t even think about trying to escape or being rescued. Since only the prince, the count and the albino know the way.

I’m sure this sounds all sad and bitter. But I assure you, I am not. at the moment. In fact, there is something to be said for realizing that you have things to work on and that singleness isn’t a curse or a sentence.  I’m happy for the people I’ve had in my life for the most part, and sure there are certain times I miss specific people, but I also am confident they are better off where they are and so am I. Even the “near misses” – the ones who got away, the ones who didnt get away fast enough, the ones still floating out there with a horrific sense of timing. I have learned to be thankful for all of them and for all I have learned from them.

But it is nice to have certain memories floating around my head and I’m forever grateful for them. They are like the little movie reels always running, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. No “Eternal Sunshine” eraser routine for me, thank you. I’ll keep the rooftop rainstorms and hotel rooms looking over the city and getting lost in LA and running through the desert and watching the stars on the beach and so on and so on and so on… the movie isn’t over yet. and the soundtrack is just really starting to rock…

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4 thoughts on “singles

  1. Amen. Nicely done.

    (Have I talked to you about Bottle Rocket? I love this movie and so I’m certain that I have)

  2. i think you have mentioned that before. i actually havent seen it. please dont think less of me. but hey, did you forget that you were partially responsible for my dating woes? not to make you feel bad or anything. haha. you know i’m kidding. i have long since given up men with poetry and use of big words 😉

  3. Like “aplomb”?

    Most of the time I’m pretty good at not feeling guilty about things that are outside of my direct responsibility. I don’t think less of you for not following me down the Primrose Wes Anderson Path, as I don’t think our taste is entirely in sync. Though I think I should share with you my favorite line from the movie:

    “Anthony, cacawwww!”

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