dating and singlehood · sex series and stuff · womens issues

just say no to everything!

Let’s get real here, ok. Abstinence doesn’t have to be made to look cool. It’s actually pretty freakin awesome.  Making a conscious choice to not knock boots with anybody is commendable and wise and cautious and full of hope and beauty. The trend has become to bash that choice and make it look like that of a naive fool with $@%! for brains. How did that happen? When did we start throwing crap, like little monkeys, at people who choose not to have sex until they get married? Why is it okay to belittle people who make choices at all? Isn’t that the flip side of the same coin that lets us chose to knock boots in the past and still choose such course of action as we wish? Aren’t we fans of choice?

And, speaking of choices, why do I keep writing “knock boots” as my euphemism of choice? Ask my BFF who came up with it. Thanks Sen 😉

 To me, it is quite alarming that we are so quick to turn the whole USS Judgmental battle cruiser onto virgins when it used to be pointed at those with “loose morals.” I suppose that’s just human nature and the vicious cycle of society – the conservatives of today are the liberals of tomorrow. I also suppose that many people on either side of the coin cannot be true supporters of the live and let live mentality because we are too insecure in our decisions and think that the other side makes us look bad. That goes both ways. ahem.

My last significant conversation (not counting numerous virtual ones) about choices came about because a friend of mine had decided to do the artificial insemination thing and we were discussing the pros and cons of being a single mom by choice. We are at a stage of society when this is not only completely possible and viable, it is heralded. I can’t really say definitively yay or nay. I have done my battle with the USS Judgmental and I have conquered. I really honestly dont make choices for other people nor do I have some preset standards of operation for others’ lives. You do what you gotta do and as long as it is not illegal (that’s up to debate though) nor harmful to you or others (also somewhat debatable depending on who or what is getting harmed).

I totally sound like a wuss I’m sure. I have no opinions. I make no claims. I hold no judgments. It’s like I’m a nonperson, a total product of modernism, humanism, nihilism, existentialism, and whatever other isms you wanna throw in. (Ism’s in my opinion are not good.)

I would like to think I am Justice, blind and impartial, open to hearing, slow to measure and dole out. It’s my only real contribution to my world. The only thing I ask in return is that people take the time to present the facts.

And here’s where that gets tricky. People on any side of an argument (and there are always more than 2) can bring what they think are facts to their support.  Too many times people are misquoted, statistics are skewed, politics are masked, and everyone goes home a little bit dumber than they started out to be. Most of the time people come with their preconceived notion and they are just aiming to prove it and support it, come hell or highwater.

Again, like Justice, it is always about the human experience – the personal, individual experience, dictating and morphing the social laws around us. We have a justice system with a big ole bookcase filled with what we are and are not supposed to do. But it comes down to each individual case and how it directly affects those involved. It’s tedious and costly. But as a society, we cannot afford anything less. We cannot make widely sweeping blanket statements like a one size fits all remedy for how to live your life. There are no generalizations without flaws. (Except that one?) And it’s fine to talk on macro levels for the sake of argument and for a starting point, but eventually, the talk has to come down to you and to me.

All this to say that saying no is as valid an option as saying yes. But, while it isn’t the only valid option, bashing it and ripping it apart doesn’t seem to quite make your point either. It will only serve to end the conversation.

Author’s Note:  I had been asked some time ago to write something up about Abstinence-Only Education. this is not it. But it’s an introduction of sorts. I am working on the sex ed piece and will post it in chunks over the next week or so. Feedback is, as always, very welcome! (I really hate the word chunk and I’m so not sure why I just wrote it.)


2 thoughts on “just say no to everything!

  1. Ha, alas I did not coin that term, but I’m glad I introduced you to it!

    So people are making fun of Colin Farrell who has decided to employ abstinence. What do you think of that?

  2. OF COURSE YOU COINED IT!!! just say you did ok. it’s more fun that way.

    and good for Colin. you know i have never had a big thing for him, but abstinence probably keeps him out of trouble. and maybe family court. i’m curious what prompted that. maybe he’s hanging out with the jonas brothers?

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