my heart is broken!!!
ok not really. no cause for alarm. but i was reminded the other day about a time when it was. or at least i felt like my heart had been mashed to a bloody pulp and it was a hardship to breathe correctly. it took everything i had in me to muster up the courage to face the day, alone, and in silent desperation. what’s so beautiful about that is the fact that i can say it all in the past tense. and that’s the beauty of every emotion, good and bad; we live through and look back. it is the human experience and it makes life so interesting.
i started thinking about emotions because i was in a lighthouse in virginia beach where people had stupidly etched into the glass windows their names and hearts and dates and ridiculous things like that. at first it made me mad, and then i started thinking about it. how permanent, or at least close to it, is that? the cynic in me wondered how many of those couples represented by the heart-enclosed initials were still feeling the same way today? or even if they were still together how many of them felt the same passion and giddiness that caused them to capture that feeling in time? enough to ruin a perfectly good glass panel?
on the down side of my thoughts, i realized how closed off i’ve become over the years. in the past couple years since moving to virginia, i have only let my guard down with one person and actually allowed myself the frivolity of dreaming about a life somewhere riding off into the sunset. maybe it was sabotage (i can’t stand it! i know you planned it!) or maybe it was a case of bad timing and bad intentions and bad sushi. i have no idea. but looking back, i know it all happened the way it had to and here we are, hopefully better for it, but only time will tell.
time. it’s all we have and it’s enough. maybe. i seem to run out of it on a daily basis. but when i lie down at night, i dont have the whispering demons telling me what a mess i’ve made of it, and my heart is at peace. i wouldnt trade that for the world. or the best sushi on earth.
a lifetime supply of the best sushi on earth… well, then we’ll talk…