not to be overtly sacrilegious or anything, but this is about asking people to do stuff, not necessarily asking God to.
so the thing is that i cannot say no. i cannot. it is virtually impossible for my mouth to utter the phrase “i’m sorry i cannot do ….” fill in the blank. i think my body goes into spastic contortions and i look something like harry potter being attacked by dementors. which is really quite similar to what i go through when asked to do certain things.
my mom has always said that her rule of thumb is if someone is compelled to ask her to do something, and it is within her ability, she will do it. she sees it as a sign from God that He motivated someone to think of her. (sorry Mom, your secret is out. Note to church staff: do not use this knowledge for evil but for good.)
for me, however, i have the trouble of being asked to do things that i absolutely positively do not WANT to do and therefore when i say yes i spend the next days, weeks, months, dreading and waking up in the middle of the night wanting to cry/scream/laugh maniacally.
it’s easy for you to say, well, duh Robin, say no. well, yes. ok i’ll say no. see the problem?
bring this a step further and you’ll see my dread in asking others to do things for me! it’s related. i know the mind gymnastics i go through, so i project onto others the same. i realize that many many other people do not have any problem whatsoever with saying no, and good for them. i just feel like i’m always imposing and i hate that feeling. and i would hate for someone else to go home and complain to their parents/spouse/friends/boss/etc that they are overwhelmed, and God forbid they write a blog about it!!
then again, i love being busy and involved in good things. i love arts and music and anything related to that gets me all excited and i want to be a part of it all. but then i start feeling like i need help and just dont even know what i need help with. i suppose in a way it comes down to pride (doesnt everything?) and that i think i am so incredibly awesome that i can handle anything. well, i cant. and there’s a line in the sand somewhere around here…
yes i can’t.
meanwhile, back at the ranch…
i’m super excited for the rest of this year. so many great things going on and so many opportunities! i really shouldn’t complain and so… i wont. life is good.
ps. i have a new favorite website at Tungle.com – it’s a meeting organizer that works with your google calendar. too cool. thanks to Kyle for sending it my way. i think it’s awesome and hopefully will help me stay organized!! now i need to find a website that will come up with a set list. haha.