yesterday, I started writing about patterns and didnt quite finish my thoughts. nothing new there. Our lives are about the patterns we create. We get comfortable and we do things to either avoid what may seem ugly or to chase after what may seem “pretty” (to keep with the metaphor).
This is why I think we all need counseling. My family talked about this the other day and some said not EVERYone needs counseling and I said yes EVERYone and I stick to it. It may not be a “formal” paid-for-hire counselor, but someone who is outside of the pattern and can see from a different persepctive. It’s absolutely necessary.
I think we get ourselves into big trouble because for most people that person is our spouse, if we gots one, or a friend. Now that sounds nice on the surface, but I think what happens to some degree is any combination of these things: we are honest and the things we say and feel and act on hurt those we love most; we are dishonest to not risk hurting someone we love most and therefore dont really get help we need; we rely completely on that one person we love most to help “solve” everything or at the very least become our sounding board; we are a mixture of honest and dishonest and we tell ourselves and others what we think they want to hear and what we want to hear and the true nature of our problems goes masked for so long we dont even recognize what the true nature is any more.
I like the worry doll concept in some cultures. It’s this little fabric doll that you tell all your problems too and s/he just “soaks” it up and carries it all for you. the downside to this of course is that the doll never steps up and gives you advice or tries to show you how your perception is wrong or that your interpretation of events or other people’s motives are totally wack. the doll just stands there and smiles. (if the doll does start talking to you, you may need to seek out that paid-for-hire help)
breaking patterns of thought and behaviors ain’t no picnic in the park. unless that picnic happens to be in a pig pen covered in feces and ants and regurgitated lunch leftovers. we need another pair of eyes and ears, maybe even another pair of feet which will go where we can’t go on our own and drag us along. two is almost always better than one. plus it’s like crop circles. you may see parts of the pattern from the ground, but until you get high and up over it, it’s hard to really see the entire pattern that the nice aliens have left in your field. and most of us dont have the ability to get to that vantage point and need a friend, a pilot if you will, to get us up there and take it all in.
in the end, we need to create a new pattern, the pattern of love and ownership and responsibility and dedication and diligence and humility and hope. these are patterns easily recognized, but not so easy to trace. The nice thing about patterns is once they are set, they become easier to reproduce.
and here’s a worry doll for you if you need one. print it out and send a check or cash… or feel free to send your visa or mc and expiration date…