faith · family · random robin

mourn with me awhile

I attended a memorial service this morning for a dear woman who came to our church far too briefly. I wish I had gotten a chance to know her better. She was very kind and gracious and always helpful. She had taken on the Event Coordinator position and I got a chance to work with her here and there, but not nearly enough. Nancy will be missed by many.

About a year ago now another Nancy had passed, quite unexpectedly, and the two widowers have been able to spend time together and comfort each other. I watched them both sobbing from my view at the piano which faces out to the congregation (not something I’m terribly fond of by the way) and twice I completely lost my place. It breaks my heart.

My mind drifted a bit during the meditation from the Pastor. I am positive this is pretty much the most self-absorbed thing I could be thinking, but I fighting back the wave of fear and the realization that if I were to die tomorrow, there would be no man sobbing for me, referring to me as “the great love of his life,” or sharing how there is an emptiness in his soul.

Now sure people would be sad, and my family would mourn. My friends would be shocked and all the ex-boyfriends and almost husbands would have that complicated mix of feelings that ex-boyfriends and almost husbands would have. And maybe the loves of my life all brought together would be more than enough for a bittersweet ceremony and some would wrangle up a few heavy tears. But who would shake, broken to the very core of his being, nearly rendered unable to breathe?

I thought also of my girl friend from high school who recently lost her great love and father of her children. He was far too young and it was a freak accident that could easily make one so angry with God and question the meaning of it all. I thought about how very sad and heartbreaking it must be to have young kids long for their daddy who will never be there again, and how painful it must be to have to explain that and to comfort your children. I cannot even imagine.

But I also thought about how life is not a guarantee and we so often plunge through each day as if it is. we take for granted the people in our lives, as if they will be there tomorrow, and as if there will always be time. There is only one thing I am sure of in life – there will NOT always be time. Time is fickle and fleeting. Time will be stolen from us and never regained. It marches on ahead of us and doesnt care if we cannot catch up. And all we have is each other.

Love and be loved today and every day. It is the only thing that matters, and all else will fade away.

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