dating and singlehood

mr right? i’d rather have mr lunt…well, his cheeseburger…

http://johnshore.com/2010/06/29/stop-wasting-time-looking-for-mr-right/

So this is in response to that there blog.

I started writing comments and replies to comments and realized I was quickly approaching that line of annoying blog commenter. And nobody likes the annoying commenter.

I have written no short supply of blogs regarding dating and singleness so this is no big revelation or anything, but I felt compelled to reply anyway. For one thing, it’s a dude writing so you think ok, all he really wants to say is dudes dont dig desperate chicks. Stop the press. No just kidding, but we do get that. No one actually LIKEs being desperate. It’s not like we purposely buy perfume that stinks like a dead skunk in a frying pan.

The more interesting thing to me is that women have the problem of being “desperate.” Without going into lengthy detail (again) about the origins of women and stuff, I will just reference the “sex series” i wrote which goes into the concept that women were created to be men’s partners, that women are continually in these roles throughout the Bible, and that societal mores instruct us from a young age that to be a wife and mother is our greatest calling. So it’s no small wonder that if we happen to make it past, oh I don’t know, 25 without getting hitched or at least headed in that direction, we are freaked out.

The question of what is wrong with me or what is wrong with all other men isn’t new to us. We go through it every SINGLE damned day (quite literal). Don’t think for a moment we don’t have a list in our heads of why we are single and how we need to change. You know, like, if I lost 30 pounds so I looked like Keira Knightley after emerging from an airtight barrel for a year, or maybe if i just, you know, stopped TALKING on dates, I’d be married by now. True that dog.

I do have to throw out the disclaimer that I have been one of those rare breeds who ran AWAY from getting married for many years and would in fact be fine with dying single. It’s occured to me on numerous occasions like other people’s weddings, baby showers, funerals and other happy ceremonies, that I may very well have turned down my every shot at a husband, and I’m ok with that.

It isn’t that I think I’m all that or that men were beating down my door and falling over themselves a la Madonna in, well, every video ever. It’s just that I’ve had my share of dates and even a proposal or two for good measure and I’ve run away screaming. Partly, sure, it’s because they just weren’t right for me and i knew it, and that may seem obnoxiously arrogant, but I dont mean it to.

On the other hand, the guys I have fell hard for were either taken already or there was some rather large obstacle in our way. Usually the missus. (har har.)

Oh maybe I’m single because I am completely irreverent and can’t take anything seriously. Nah, some people who get close enough know that I take a lot of things seriously. Well, I should say “knew” that – right now, they’re in barrels out back with Keira.

Anyways… on to the big advice bit where I will now recite meaningful lyrics from yesteryear…

“You can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait”

For me, really, it comes down to two things timing and timing. I could name right now about four different men I know who are probably reading this who just didnt work out mostly because of timing. (And no i’m not naming you, but go ahead and feel threatened by this.) I’m not running around trying to change my life to fit in with someone else’s timing, and maybe that says something more about me and my self-absorbed lifestyle than Love or God’s Providence or whatever, but at the end of the day it just amounts to the fact that I will needlepoint onto a pillow, “I am not ready.” You will all be the “first” to know when I am 😉

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2 thoughts on “mr right? i’d rather have mr lunt…well, his cheeseburger…

  1. It’s okay to be looking for marriage. In one way, it means you stop wasting time with men you know you won’t marry, and moving on. And I for one, like it when a girl (who I like) clearly likes me in return. I don’t like it when I have to run around chasing, since I haven’t a clue how to chase a girl without appearing desperate, even if I’m not desperate. Screw games. That guy is just supporting game playing. Be yourself.

    But, what I do agree with him on is you should be interested. Find hobbies. Do things you love. I personally don’t want a boring chick. If I can’t learn something after the first month of dating a girl, I get bored. I need a girl to challenge me. And he’s right, if you’re too desperate, if every message you have is “I need a boy to complete me”, then it’s saying you’re tragically flawed, incomplete, boring loser.

    Buuuut… there’s a huge difference between the “I need a boy to complete me” line and “I need YOU to complete me”. I want a girl who wants to be with me not just because I’m a boy, but because I’m ME.

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