random robin

Exhausted and wide awake

The past month has been one challenging heartbreak after another. So I’ve been relatively unmotivated to write anything. Sometimes I think I’m just being melodramatic, but whenever I start listing things that have happened in the past month to anyone they stop me and say, wow, yea that’s a lot to deal with.

I can’t help but wish I was stronger, that I can be this resilient woman and show everyone how it’s done. And I think I do tend to have people fooled. But they don’t see me at home alone in the dark, pacing the floor, weeping my eyes out, breaking random things out of frustration, etc. etc. I really should join a gym or semi organized sport team so I can do something with the nervous energy.

My heart stays heavy all day long. I think, when, oh God, how long are we waiting here? Gimme a ballpark. And it takes every mustard seed I got left of faith to remember His promises are true and He is coming for me. I don’t want to sound overly selfish, but sometimes I just think how nice it will be when its done. Yes, sir, i’d like to order the escapism with a glass of futility.

They should make a perfume called futility. At least we’d have an excuse. Yea, I’m wearing futility, smells like it ain’t working.

I’ll be ok. To every thing, turn turn turn…


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