When people around you are struggling, you feel selfish just to be hungry and want to eat. You feel selfish that you are thinking about all the things you are supposed to be doing and how you have to cancel things like reservations and how you forgot to take the garbage out and it will stink up your place by the time you get home. You feel selfish that you are actually disappointed that you wont get to do something you’ve planned on, you COUNTED on for some relief and merriment, for months now… no for YEARS now. You feel selfish for every little thing you do, including but not limited to writing a blog post about how selfish you feel.
If someone were to ask me if this made them a selfish person, i would say absolutely not. Life goes on and there is a practical side that has to be addressed. I’m a practical person, but I’m also a visionary. It’s a duality I’ve tried to understand and manage all my life. You can get into being practical and dealing with eevery little detail without ever seeing the big picture and miss the mark all together. Or you can be all vision and big picture and get lost in emotional wars and find yourself in a lot of trouble, like forgetting to pay bills or worse.
I have said it before and will say it a hundred more times: Life is balance. Finding and achieving balance is the single most difficult task in life, as far as I’m concerned. All frivolity leads to chaos and shallowness. All practicality leads to a mundane existence devoid of joy.
A friend recently used the phrase “like skipping to a funeral” in the context of inappropriate. I said, wait, I want people to skip to my funeral. I want people to have joy that I am in a much better place and to celebrate my life, which I would hope gave them some joy and meaning. And maybe that’s the most selfish way you can look at it, but I have to say with everyone I love, you are awesome and you make me better. Selfish? Maybe. I see it as just being the way we were created… for each other. and when someone hurts, we all hurt. When someone rejoices, we all rejoice.
When someone leaves her garbage out, we all smell it.