arts, movies, music, pop culture · dating and singlehood · womens issues

where is love

so for starters, the song “where is love” from the musical Oliver is not about romantic love, i’d just like to point that out right now. It’s about a boy to his mum or at least someone who will love and care for him like a mum. so therefore it creeps me out when people want this song at their weddings.

moving on.

A friend of mine was bemoaning the most recent shoulda-woulda-coulda of her life in the form of a man, of course.  She already was using the phrase “the one that got away” and I’m like, you mean last week? I don’t think that label can be used for at least a year when your head is clear and you can see past your ego. For some reason she got huffy, but she knew I was right. A lot of men can seem like Prince Charming with Superman strength and Han Solo courage and Batman mystery within the first few …minutes and it isn’t until months later that you realize he has nothing to talk about, cant seem to rub two pennies together ever and completely avoids confrontation unless it’s in a video game. And then he kills stuff.

The point is that you can romanticize EVERYone you have ever met, like yeah, maybe he was THE ONE and I was a doofus and let him get away. Men don’t “get away” – they walk away. Sometimes run away. Contrary to what you may read about women, men don’t like to be chased. They need encouragement sure. But not chasing. And any man who wants to be chased and pined after has serious issues and/or egomaniacism. Is that a word? Probably not, but everything can be turned into an ism.

Then I told her about my Navy experience a few years ago now. I was working at a nonprofit and we took kids on a field trip to the Naval base to visit a ship and get a tour. Our tour guide was very sweet and cute. I was with a dozen small children, so I really didn’t want to seem like I was there to find a sailor and I didn’t want to lose any kids to the sea that day. So when we got on the bus, waved goodbye, I thought, oh well. Fast forward two days and I’m in the office and I get a call from reception saying there is a young man here to see me and I’ll give you a guess who… the sailor. That’s right. (what a great story huh?) He said he looked up where we were and took the chance that I’d be here… 20 miles away from his ship on his one day off…  and then he said that he wanted to spend time with me before he shipped out… in a month.

At this point my friend was attributing the whole “one that got away” label. Ok ok, maybe I should have been more open minded and whatnot, and maybe I should have thought about the effort he took to find me and maybe he was a great guy who I completely wrote off because (1) he’s military and well yeah, and (2) I dont do long distance especially overseas long distance, and (3) i’m a self-absorbed jerk which pretty much sums up all of the above.

My point though is that every once in awhile I think about this guy, and I think about the few times someone has really gone out of his way to chase me and I realize that next time, if there is a next time, I should be nicer. And not creeped out a little bit, like I was. Maybe. We’ll see.


2 thoughts on “where is love

  1. You did mean, “Hope Solo courage,” didn’t you? Not that I’m editing or anything, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t make a typo there.

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