This day rolls around every year and in some ways I dread it a bit. I don’t generally dwell on the past as a rule, but I also strongly believe in learning from the past and when making decisions in the present, we go to the history books for some guidance.
My life has been kept mostly in my blog. I have literally hundreds of Draft blogs that never make the light of day because either it’s even more personal than normal or because they started out just for me as a diary. I like and strongly encourage others to journal – to keep track of what they are doing, how they feel about it, what’s new or what has been bothering them. I read through past entries and it’s such a joy to know that we do indeed get past things. And sometimes it’s also encouraging to know that we haven’t gotten over something because it means we are still very much human.
Some might say that I need to let go of my best friend’s death in 1988 – that I should have moved on by now and that it isn’t healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a shrine to him – I don’t talk about him incessantly. In fact most people who know me now or in the past few years or so wouldn’t even know anything about him. But I have never been someone who believes that letting go equals forgetting and even if I did, I would imagine I would never forget.
There have been so many things in my life that I haven’t gotten over. Things that still hurt deeply or things that make me frustrated – with myself or others or both. I was reminiscing with a friend tonight about a bad breakup I had – epic really – cops were called and everything. And I just think about how dangerous drugs and liquor are and that jealousy and rage do not mix well with karaoke. haha. But these are things I look back on and laugh about. No one really got hurt – just my ego – and we have all moved on to a much better place. Well, by “we” I mostly mean me.
The dark side of love though is that it burns a mark on you like a tattoo needle on your skin. It may heal over time, and it may reshape and change color a bit over the years, but there will be a mark forever. And you learn to love and embrace it. It is a part of you like your heart and your brain. and your nerve for that matter.
And because I’ve been listening to Amy Grant lately… this…