let me start by saying THANK YOU to everyone reading this right now. yea YOU. for your friendship and humor and love. this year has been a roller coaster in so many ways for me, but that’s a good thing! It makes me stronger and at the same time realize how I cannot handle it all.
I tend to be very proud of my independence and self-sufficiency. For much of my adult life I have tried to never rely on anyone else and do what I can to avoid any kind of dependence especially emotional ties to anyone. I have been great at building walls around my heart and not letting anyone hurt me too much and I have gotten good at turning off my feelings with a high degree of efficiency. Like energy star rating efficiency.
And that’s not necessarily a good thing. I plow through life with a take no prisoner stance and sometimes I come across like I don’t even care. whether my hands are in the air or not.
And I’m very excited about what the future holds and so many of you are a huge part of that, so THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! May God bless you and keep you! ❤
All that said, I can’t lie and say that this year hasn’t really sucked. It’s been stressful and sad and painful and depressing. At times it has taken all the strength I can muster to not just walk away from everything and everyone and not look back. There have been times I have been so angry and bitter about the way life turns us all on our heads and at the end of the day I am really shaking my fist at God, yelling how could you?!?! This is nothing new for this year, but it certainly happened several times this year.
But there have been bright moments too. And the way I know how to get through is to think on those things. To believe truly and fully that it all works together – and I do believe this. As the sun sets and my head rests on the pillow (the newly purchased pillows with newly purchased awesome dark chocolate brown flannel sheets… I swear I will wake up one day trying to eat my pillow) I know in my heart that God is good. He has brought good things too and we often fail to shake our fist at ourselves and say, how could I? How could I not be thankful? How could I not see His faithfulness to me, new every morning?
We are where we are. And I will rejoice in it. Even though I may not look like it. And even though I am wearing red, it doesn’t mean I am particularly festive at the moment. In fact, I’m just waiting for someone to charge me so I can take him out! haha! (just kidding. I love bulls. I feel bad for them. I don’t see why men in tights need to provoke them.)
Anyway… I hope that when all is said and done, I’ve gone through life embracing reality, but finding the purpose in it all. I believe that is to learn to love better. To learn to walk together hand in hand singing kumbaya and all that jazz. We are here in community and we need to stick together if we’re going to make it. With God before us and behind us, who can stand against us?
Love to all.
“Rise Above” this song has great lyrics… and because I just love this kid so frickin much… sigh… makes me smile really big 🙂