dating and singlehood · music · womens issues

to have loved and lost and bought the t-shirt

Sometimes you have this place in a song that you just can’t quite get right. You try and try and try and try and it just doesn’t work. and then … finally… bam! you nail it. And then you try it again and never get it right again. But you laugh because at least you know you did it once and sometimes that just has to be good enough.

That’s how I’ve been feeling about my love life lately. I mean, I know I shouldn’t complain. Some people have never had a good relationship ever and I’ve had a few. I’ve had perfectly nice boyfriends who didn’t hurt me or do anything that wrong. We just didn’t make it for the long haul, and that was that. And it was nice to know them, and some of them are still my friends and I am a better person for them.

But I’ve had some pretty epic failures too. And try as I might, I fail to see what the point was other than I got a little tougher and have a few new jokes. I will always believe that everything happens for a reason and that people come into our lives to teach us something. But some of them I really have to shake my head – and my finger at myself in the mirror – because let’s face it, I was dumb.

And then there were those that just make me hurt all over. The man I loved so much – the one who made me feel like I was broken in half when he rejected me – for good reasons, mind you, but still. ouch. times five bajillion.

I have to smile in that knowing, slightly painful way when friends who are much younger than me are whining about love gone wrong, or how the “perfect” person is moving away, or already has a significant other, or doesn’t seem to notice when they’re around. I know. I feel like I’ve been through almost everything at this point. Well, at least either I have or friends have and I guess you can say that when you collect up all the life experiences of a single woman in her 30s with all her single 30something friends, you have decades of pain and sorrow that rivals a greek tragedy – especially one told using Brad Pitt. Although probably not as sweaty.

At the end of the day, when it’s right, it’s really really right. And I wouldn’t trade a million “just ok”s for that one “really right.” and so I plod on. and the sun also rises and the day turns to night and back to day again. I don’t think I’m missing anything. Every now and then I miss having cable…

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