For the folks playing along at home, you may remember that I signed up for a website to “meet” men. It has been educational. Here is a snippet of an actual exchange, with identifying characteristics removed to protect the dumb.
[Editor’s note: spelling and use of punctuation kept intact for emphasis.]
Him: U look beautiful — definitely not ur age.
Me: Well, you know how they say if you want to know what a girl will look like as she gets older, look at her mom? Well, that doesn’t work for me. You’re probably better off looking at Jackie Chan’s mom.
Him: Who’s Jackie Chan?
I hate wasting jokes.
Yea… I’m still single…
I also had one guy make it through the gauntlet. He passed the email Q&A – which consisted of making me laugh, getting my Monty Python reference, AND knowing who Jackie Chan is. He passed the text messaging test which consisted of NOT texting me ALL the time and at odd hours and/or while drunk after receiving my number for a few weeks. And then we met in person, had an ok time, set up another date, and he texted me on the way home. At some point on the 2nd date, mentioned I kept a blog (yes, this one) and he got nervous.
He sheepishly asked if he would appear in said blog. I said probably, but I never use people’s names without permission. And I definitely don’t say anything incriminating if I’m using your name. I am a strong proponent of the “Praise publicly, criticize privately” motto.
He then asked, you haven’t broken up with anyone in a blog post, have you?
I said No. But there’s a first for everything.
I know. I’m harsh. But this is not a break up blog. You might want to stay tuned though…
Him: Are those pics from 10 years ago?
Me: No. They’re from 10 years from now. I come from the future. You don’t have a prayer.
OK, ok, I didn’t write that. But I thought about it.