What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
I have often felt like, and been compared to, Rob Fleming (aka Rob Gordon in the John Cusack movie) in High Fidelity written by Nick Hornby. I want to take it as an insult, but it’s John Cusack in the movie. You just can’t have a picture of John Cusack in your head and feel insulted at the same time. It’s biochemically impossible.
Though I try not to dwell on the past, I do look back now and then to learn something about how and why I got to where I am today. It’s not always pretty and sometimes it’s downright dreadful, but it every now and again helps me avoid repeating history.
Not too long ago, I had the extreme pleasure of receiving an unsolicited breakdown of what was wrong with me in my relationships by someone I dated off and on for the period of about 2 years. From what I remember of our problems, they were somewhere between him constantly lying to me and me constantly not trusting a word he said. I know, it seems so unreasonable of me, but I was pretty insecure at the time because I just didn’t know HOW to believe a liar.
But apparently, he mended his ways and felt the need to include me in some sort of misguided 12-step process of rehashing history starting with me. Exciting. I love history.
In 2007, I moved from Denver to Virginia. I say this because we are now coming up on my 5 year anniversary of being completely totally amazingly single and without land in sight. I have this general notion that he was thinking about his own stellar relational successes within that 5 year period and that maybe the problem really IS me and he was just being helpful. Ex-boyfriends are good that way.
When it comes to my top five breakups, like Rob Fleming/Gordon, I had some real doozies. This particular guy was one of them. Cops called and everything. Or maybe the cops just showed up because they always did at that particular bar. But the point is that if you’re going to break up you might as well go Broadway about it. We just needed a better score. Karaoke duets from Rent the musical just didn’t cut it.
But I am thinking I need to go to karaoke pretty soon. It’s been a looooong time now… 🙂
Barry Jive and the Uptown Five, from High Fidelity, 2000