arts, movies, music, pop culture · movies

ok here goes my complaints about … Batman… sigh

Far be it from me to complain about a movie (for the newbies in the audience, that is called “sarcasm” and maybe hyperbole. but mostly I just like writing hyperbole because it looks cool and I like to say it out loud as “hyper bowl”) but this here blog is dedicated to my complaints about Batman Begins and Dark Knight. I feel like enough time, well, plenty of time, has passed since the honeymoon phase and akin to complaining about your spouse’s picking the dirt from under his nails at the dinner table on your honeymoon, you either just let it go or simply don’t notice. I am now doing neither.

1. The most major complaint right off the bat, if you will – Thomas Wayne would not have been married to a squealing boob!! Ok that scene where they get robbed and killed outside the theatre, Martha Wayne just stands there and screams, nay, squeals, at the top of her lungs. It was so annoying. She would have (a) protected her son, (b) tried to appeal to the robber, and/or (c) NOT SQUEALED!

2. So what is up with Rachel Dawes and her coworkers? I mean I understand being a workaholic and not getting out much enough to meet, much less date, any one – especially in a town as messed up as Gotham. But seriously – doesn’t the District Attorney’s office have some kind of no snogging within the department policy? And at the very least if she’s smart enough to be the assistant DA of Gotham, you’d think she’d be less likely to get all gushy with BOTH of her bosses (ie. Finch and Dent). Obviously, this story line irks me. I can’t say I was super sad she’s gone. I know. That’s a terrible thing to say. Um, here’s a good time to remind us all that it’s a MOVIE.

3. The shift from New York to Chicago. Not sure I need to go off on this one… suffice it to say… Gotham IS New York. Deal.

4. That said, we did get a cool super train slash monorail out of the move to Chi-town. My problem of course is that the dude in the tower explains to us SEVERAL TIMES that the train is going right through the main whatever-whatever thing that will blow the whole town’s water system. You would think after the THIRD time he explained what would happen I would remember what it was called.

5. While I realize that Joker is a chaotic character at heart, he certainly is dedicated. I mean he must have spent like 80% of the movie setting up all the chaotic (aka random) plot twists. I’d like to see what kind of flow chart he used to get all that going. Talk about needing a mobile app! Wait, where did I put that explosive? And which location do I need to be at now? Gosh, Joker, for someone who doesn’t look like he has a plan, you sure have lots and lots of plans. Good trick.

6. Batman really needs nipples? I have nipples, Batman, can you punch me?

7. I am definitely not someone who is a total stickler for keeping absolutely faithful to a book or even a character per se. (I mean one of my all time favorite Batman stories is Arkham Asylum but I would love to see someone try to do a movie with THAT. Craziness!) That said, it would be nice if Lt Gordon wasn’t quite so incompetent seeming and generally uneasy. By the end of Year One he is more just tired, but not quite bumbling.

8. Do we really need Catwoman? Ok this one is a preemptive strike against the next movie. I was ok with Michele Pfeiffer as a general rule, but Anne Hathaway seems excessive. At least it’s not Halle Berry. Or George Clooney for that matter.

9. Maggie Gyllenhaal. Next.

10. Now this is just a personal pet peeve of mine and I don’t normally hold this against any movie – but just pointing out that they did absolutely nothing interesting with the end credits. Nor did they do any throw away stuff after the credits. I guess I expected it, especially of Nolan, the director. Oh well.


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