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inperception

no that’s not a real word or a typo. I created a word which is a combination of perception and interception. and here’s what I mean by it. Sometimes we think we know something. We come to a conclusion because of our stellar reasoning skills and we run full steam ahead regardless of ice bergs. Ice bergs be damned! We have a record to break!

But sometimes, ok a lot of times, we are pretty wrong. We assume things and we put words into people’s mouths instead of yummy cupcakes. We find fault with what they’re thinking, before they even had a chance to think it, and we begin to act in a way that is based entirely on assumption and misconception. And like in football, when the intended receiver was flat out rejected by the defense snatching the ball out of the air and running away, communication goes awry, intentions are misjudged, and the Dallas Cowgirls get confused. I mean the cheerleaders of course.

I.e. I didn’t reply back right away to your text… translation: I hate you.

You didn’t offer to pay for my drink… translation: you have a girlfriend and she is glaring at us at the moment.

My post on marriage on Facebook was mysteriously deleted… translation: everyone but Robin was wrong and/or I was wrong and now I’m embarrassed because that has never happened to me before.

I generally am not the person who doesn’t address an issue head on. Even if it is somewhat circumventily (not sure that’s a word either) by the passive aggressive behavior of blogging. Of course I’m kidding. Rest assured that if I had someone in mind by a blog that I have either asked them permission already or it’s been resolved elsewhere – meaning in real life as the kids say. unless (1) I am not actually using their name, (2) no one will guess who it is, and/or (3) it turns out I don’t care if they know it’s them or not because it makes them look good and they should be happy I am friends with them. But in reality, it does mean that I think very highly of you if I talk about you to others and I haven’t ever actually used my blog to address and actually resolve any personal issues unless it’s just to make generic observations and reflections about them and what I have learned through them.

All that said, if people would learn how to better address conflict, and not shy away from the hard stuff of life, the world would be better off. You lay down the ground rules – like the end result is always love and community, but the ends don’t justify the means and so you learn to speak in love and you appeal to the person’s sense of mutual respect and honoring each other in the midst of bitterness and hurt and all that jazz – and you make sure that the gun isn’t loaded. You learn how to listen for intent and not just what you are interpreting through your own lens of insecurity and personal failures. You learn how to ask the right questions to get at the intent and the heart issues. You learn to just shut up already and stop defending or making things worse. You also learn when things NEED to get worse so that they can get better – and you know that this is true because you have had successful conflicts. Or you just read that in my blog. And you make darn sure that the gun isn’t loaded.

from xkcd.com

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