Since the Facebook announcement to the world about a recent turn of events in the dating sector of my life, I’ve been nearly deluged with emails, texts, and short stories laying out six degrees of separation – mostly less than 2 degrees actually – with well wishes, prayers, and hope. It’s been fun and slightly insane, like we made a break through in cancer treatment or something.
And it is, in a way, fairly spectacular and beautiful and I have been walking around humming, well more than usual, and praying that through me, and us, true love will shine brighter than ever before to all those around.
But I’ll admit publicly it’s a little daunting. To have THIS many people know and asking questions and speculating sometimes out loud, it can be a bit overwhelming and makes me want to find the nearest boat and sail across the ocean to a cave.
But then there is something quite freeing about it too somehow. There’s something to be said for not having secrets and not worrying about what other people think or say behind your back because you know you are living above reproach. And that’s the only way to live. I don’t want to have to hide anything or to feel guilt and shame at every turn. I am doing my best to live in a way where there is nothing to turn inside out, no dirty laundry to air, no skeletons to discover and no fear.
I have often wondered how we would change the way we live knowing we are under a microscope and in a glass house. How would our actions and decisions change when we are being watched?
I love people watching. It’s really fascinating to me how people walk and talk and interact or not interact. And then it’s super fun to see the moment they realize I’m watching them, this jarring notion of wait! What am I doing? That chick is laughing at me. Well, I’m not *always* laughing, but sometimes.
As Christians, we are always watched. We are judged and prejudged. We are met with anger and resentment just for saying “I am a Christian” and every preconceived notion in the book comes out against us. And I embrace it fully and pray that my life will sort out the prejudices that are wrong and filter through all the lame things Christians are known for and show the people who take the time to get to know me that there is a better way and that I am not like anyone else you will ever meet. And it isn’t that I’m perfect. Far from it. It isn’t that I haven’t made a bazillion mistakes and sinned against God and people. It isn’t that I won’t any more either. I am flawed and complicated and angry and full of deceit. my heart flies to and fro like that freakishly annoying bug at a summer picnic. And I will hurt others and I will make lame choices and I will fall.
And the hope in all of that is in knowing I am fully redeemed for all time for the rest of life. I pray to be quick to admit my sin. I pray to be open to ridicule and admonishment, to hear before speaking, to listen for intent and not just words and emotions, to love better and more fully and to seek mutual admiration and respect in every encounter and not just demand that all come to my side of the divider.
I want to do this life the right way. I want to date the right way. I want to worship the right way. I want to enjoy every moment of sunshine and rain the right way. I want to live like I am meant to live and be grateful for and gracious to everyone who crosses my path.
In the words of the late great Keith Green…
Make my life a prayer to you
I wanna do what you want me to
No empty words and no white lies
No token prayers, no compromise
I wanna die and let you give
Your life to me so I might live
And share the hope you gave to me
The love that set me free