arts, movies, music, pop culture · family

the start

So I’m pretty sure that I already am 39. I have for many years now felt like I was born in July. It’s something that I try to explain but feel like it’s kinda pointless really to speculate and I have a drivers’ license that says otherwise, so I just stick with September. Story goes something like I was brought to the doctor’s in March of 1974 and he said, well she looks about 6 months and they chose Sept 30, 1973 as the official date. Does someone know the real date back there in Korea? Maybe. Whenever I get over there, I’ll start asking.

When I tell people that I don’t actually know my date of birth, I watch this odd mental processing look on their faces and half expect them to spit out a “Does not compute” message. Yeah, this is the life of an adoptee. We don’t always know our birthdays. We don’t always know exactly where we are from. We don’t always know our medical history. In fact, we don’t know a lot of things. And some of us have just learned to embrace that ambiguity and can live in the midst of mystery. Some of us learn to love the mystery. I mean all the great heroes are born under mysterious circumstances or adopted by someone other than their biological parents. It’s all the rage.

Knowing where you come from is one of many many pieces to the identity puzzle and I wouldn’t ever say that the birthday issue alone has made me who I am. But I will say that every year, September comes around and I think about how I want to go back to the start and how I wish I could know what happened to my mother and father and I wonder if they think about me too – and if it’s in September or in July.

But it doesn’t break me, or make me angry or too despairing. It has made me stronger, to know that my life isn’t about my origin but my destination. It’s about what I do, not what has been done to me. And I made my own start and I continue to make my own start each morning, by the grace of God, and through His power and His Spirit. And I reclaim the day of my birth as every day when I open my eyes and I take a breath and I say this is the birth of this day. Happy birthday.

This song always makes me a little sad on a few levels, but it’s a nice one and the photos this person put to it are just too cute …


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