This morning, I moved my desk at work. I went into a different corner of the office because of a number of reasons. So I had the monitor in the corner of my desk on a stand and as I sat there, I realized I was squinting really bad. And it occurred to me that the monitor was too far away. This made me incredibly sad and feel old and realize that I am getting even more nearsighted than I had been for pretty much all my life. I used to think that as I get older, the nearsighted thing and the farsighted thing will even out and eventually I’ll get back to 20/20. Apparently it doesn’t work that way. But here’s to hoping.
It made me think of how we all get so nearsighted. We have trouble seeing the future. Our crystal balls cloud up or give us vague answers like “maybe” or “ask again later” or “42.” It’s just not enough to go on.
For us Christian types, we read the Bible and we either scrape together some kind of wisdom, maybe a bit biased and a bit self serving. Or maybe we look to human wisdom, asking 100 of our friends and settling on the answer that is either most common or the one we were leaning toward any way.
In some situations, there is no easy answer. No matter what you do, no matter how delicately and how carefully you do it, things will fall apart. Someone will be hurt. Someone will be offended. Someone else will lose respect for you. Someone else will second guess you and rebuke you for weeks, years, lifetimes to come.
These are all valid responses because they are actual responses. However you react to someone’s choices in life, it’s what you feel, it’s what you think, and it’s how you respond. I get that. I accept that. I support that. But when you get past the initial reaction, the initial gut level blowup that you have, what’s left?
I have two prayers. I pray to not be nearsighted – to not think I can see everything and conversely to not give in to the despair or refuse to see what is clearly in front of me. I pray that God will open a door and that I will have the grace to walk wherever He leads me no matter how difficult or painful or condemning it may feel. To give my life to Him fully and completely is the prayer of my every day, every moment and to recognize my need, my great depth of need, of Him, His grace and guidance and strength to do whatever He calls me to do.
But I also pray that those around me will not be nearsighted. That those who speak into my life and let me speak into theirs, will see beyond the here and now and see the vision of the Kingdom. That they all will see when to rebuke and when to assure. That they will see the Grace that carries us all, the future and the hope we have no matter what may befall us. That my friends and loved ones will HEAR me when I say what I see, that they will TRUST me when I explain why my decisions are made, and more importantly they will TRUST THE ONE Who I cling to and seek and cry out to in the dark of night Who has me in His hands and Who knows the paths we all must take.
And I know that I will fail and make excuses for myself and point fingers and blame everyone else. I know I will lose sight of the Grace that holds me. And I know that I will forget His kindness to me. But I also know that my prayer is to see – to see clearly and to seek His face. I know that He who has called me is faithful to complete His work and there is nothing I have done or failed to do so far that has kept Him from pursuing me and loving me and setting my feet to dance at His throne. He has me. I see that.
And by the way, I love where I’m sitting now. 🙂
“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.”