So for the next 10 days I am planning to write about a person or persons who have been particularly helpful and supportive to me over the years of my singleness and all that. I am finally really feeling the weight – the gravitas if you will – of getting MARRIED and what that means and how life will change forever. People say that about having a baby, which is of course true, but when you take a step back and see the purpose of marriage and God’s design in joining two souls together, it’s kiiinda a big deal. And I am entering into the complexity of it all with eyes wide open and a foundation made of my identity in Christ, my inheritance as a daughter of the Creator and Sustainer of all things, and so while at times my heart feels like it’s pumping harder than usual because of the stress of it all, my soul is at peace and resting in the wonder of it all. Maybe a little bit like the Christmas season. And Advent is a perfect metaphor for the wait and anticipation of a wedding day… but I digress…
So shout out 1 goes to my brothers.
Tim and Danny have been the kind of brothers I wish everyone had. I would venture to say that no one in my family would ever have guessed that I would be single this long and that I would have been the last to marry. It seemed like I was going to be the first for awhile there, but we don’t have to drudge all that up.
Suffice it to say that my brothers have been the perfect balance of nosey and not nosey at all. They have had good advice when I asked and not a moment sooner, and they have been cautionary when caution was appropriate.
And I’d like to think that I’ve taught them a thing or two about a thing or two. We have this inside family joke about it being 11 o’clock. In our house we would get into debates late at night about all kinds of things and it always seemed like it was around 11 at night. We wouldn’t call it fighting, though to outsiders coming in it may have felt that way. But no one ran off screaming or hating each other, and we’d disagree vehemently and defend our positions with great pomp and circumstance, but we all loved and respected each other. It was more than simply agreeing to disagree, but to truly take into consideration the opinion of someone else who you care about and allowing the complexity of life’s issues to remain complex with multiple solutions. There are a lot of people who can’t really handle that kind of thinking and have to have conclusions or are the kind of “that’s my story and i’m sticking to it” type people who I just love so much.
Both of my brothers waited a little longer than some to marry too. They were both in their 30s (of course marrying girls in their 20s so that ten year difference between them and their wives? I decided not to follow that pattern so much. One year older sounds about right to me.) And so much of my journey through singlehood has been influenced by their marriages, whether they knew that or not, that I just couldn’t see myself marrying any one who was any less than amazing and perfect for me, though not perfect but someone who just fit in so well with everything they were about. I hadn’t really dated any one who was THAT fitting for me and who really wanted all the same things and had the same goals and believed in the same life principles whatever they were at the time.
And that brings me to what a huge difference it makes when you are in a family of believers who pray for you, support you, and point you to Jesus. There was never a time in my life when I didn’t KNOW KNOW KNOW that my family loved me and cared for my well being. We may have disagreed on what “well being” entailed – that goes back to the 11 o’clock debates – but truly, they wanted what was best and what I was made for. So you could really hear the collective sigh of relief and true celebration from my family to know that the man I am marrying is a true believer committed to the Gospel and a lover of Light. The PCA teaching elder thing was almost like a punchline. but it isn’t a joke. honest.
So here’s to you, Tim and Danny. I love you two and couldn’t ask for better brothers and friends. Thank you.
My brothers and me!