My husband and I have been rewatching the Harry Potter series. not that this made me think of sex… um… no. But it did occur to me that there’s an analogy in here somewhere and it came to me this morning like Wa La!
What I love most about the story of Harry is that it really boils down to choices. It’s about people having to choose all the time what to do. Do I do what seems right or what seems convenient? Do I side with Dumbledore or He who shall not be named?
And yeah – so Voldemort, he didn’t start as Voldemort. He became Voldemort. He started out as this cute kid with a lot of potential. But he let anger and bitterness and hatred consume him and he made choices to be powerful and manipulative and control people out of fear and rage.
So what does this have to do with sex exactly? Lemme splain.
Sex is like having magic. It’s powerful stuff. It’s also dangerous stuff, and depending on the kind of person you are, you can use your powers for good or for not so good. There are those who think that flaunting their sexuality openly and freely without any shame is power. It can be. It’s exhilarating. You don’t have situations like the recent Miley Cyrus escapade without the element of power. It’s how she chose to express herself, because she knows, as we all do, that sex sells. Rampant exhibitionist sex gets everyone talking for days, weeks, hopefully not too much longer but let’s be real. People will talk about it for years to come. I mean someone recently referred to a “wardrobe malfunction” in CHURCH no less. Can you say Super Bowl two thousand FOUR?!
And I guarantee my site stats count will be exponentially higher on this post today…
Sex is supposed to be powerful. It was created that way. It is intrinsic to its fabric that we are consumed and overwhelmed by it. We’re supposed to be. I have often said out loud and on this here blog that sex is the single most amazing thing you will ever do with your body. It will make you do crazy things. it will completely take over your entire body where nothing else in the universe will matter at all.
That’s power. And it’s a dangerous thing how someone makes choices about their sexuality. It becomes a drug, a slippery slope between what I give to others and what I get. There are those who feel empowered by sexual prowess, and consider it freeing to not be ashamed of becoming the object of desire of many. This kind of attitude toward sexuality comes from a long road of fear, insecurity, shame, turned to anger, resentment, pride, and what appears to be power.
But what is that power? What is it based on? What does it get you? Is it really what you are looking for and is it really going to get you anything in the end?
Before I go further, it is important for me to say that I am not villainizing everyone blanketly or degrading any one who has made what society may call deviant sexual choices in their lifetimes. I am also not saying that if you aren’t the one who kept herself pure until her wedding night that you are headed straight for Voldemort territory. I wouldn’t say that. I couldn’t say that. My own sexual history forbids me to cast any such judgment on anyone else. I walked that path. I made those choices.
What I can say from my own experience is that you are constantly choosing a general direction. You are choosing to use the magic for good or evil. You are putting yourself in a position of either magnifying the beauty and wonder of sex to its ultimate purpose and glory, or degrading and amplifying the chaos and meaningless state of what sex can become, a self centered power trip that consumes you and those around you. And when you find yourself in that state, you act out. You act on whims, on self-absorbed instinct, or fear, not realizing or not caring how it makes you feel or others. You, in degrees, begin to lose the goodness and purity of sex in its right use and place. And just like magic it can become deadly to you and those around you, consuming you like a disease.
But that’s where my analogy ends because we aren’t to pity the death eaters of the world – those who we see as villains who rage against what we believe about sexuality and those who use it in ways that disgust the “good” people of the world. It’s too easy to villainize people who aren’t like you. It’s too easy to make it us v. them, to wage war against them, trying to reel them in or defeat them altogether. It isn’t our place to do anything with “them” at all really.
Our place, my place, is to make choices for ME. Just me. For me, it is to choose the side of God’s intention for creation. To keep sex magical and pure. To make sex about more than just my need to stoke my ego or a quest for power and manipulation of others. To seek pleasure and satisfaction for my husband and in my husband only. To stop looking to others’ lust and desire as a power to be wielded and abused. To look to the mystery and beauty of two souls united in flesh as the most startling sacred thing you will ever be a part of in life, and to realize that making it anything less than sacred is to tear a hole in the very fabric of who you are and in a very real physical sense.
It’s time to make your sex life what it is meant to be, to stop using it for the trite spells you conjured up in the past. To make it the epic power that God gave you and your spouse, and to stop trading it for something lesser and crasser. Choose your path wisely. I promise you it will be pure magic.