arts, movies, music, pop culture · family

this is my valentine’s day

I’ve never been one for a lot of the usual roses and chocolates. I love chocolate. And roses are pretty but I don’t love killing flowers for my personal enjoyment. But I get it. Honestly I do. And I would never begrudge any one else their pleasures.

But for me, well, love is something expressed in other ways. It’s expressed in the good fluffy times for sure, but for me, it’s better expressed in the dark brooding times.

For me love is when I cannot love myself, when I am so weary and burdened that all I can do is weep. Love holds me and says it exists.

For me love is the cup of water on my nightstand when I hadn’t asked for it yet.

Love is laying on my side of the bed to warm it up while I brush my teeth and get ready for bed.

Or in the morning, making coffee and putting it by the door so I can grab it on my way out because he knows I’m always late.

I never feel more romance than when we are sitting on the couch and grimace at the same time watching zombies. Or laugh hysterically at the same joke and then at each other for twice as long as it is actually funny just because we are both laughing.

Love is when I see my husband walk in the door after not seeing him for 12 hours and I melt a little bit. In a good way.

A text message that is clearly for no reason at all.

A kiss on the head as I fall asleep in his arms.

For me love is when he makes me and our baby girl laugh.

It had been a long time since I had a real valentine. I came to dismiss it all together as many 30 something single women do. It got a bah humbug like no Christmas ever did.

But in the two years of Februarys with the one true love I have ever had, the one I was made for, I guess it serves as good a reminder as any day that love is not something easy to come by. It isn’t commercial and real love cannot possibly be built up any more than it inherently is. Love is epic. It goes above and beyond all. It is the greatest of and gives wings to hope and faith.

I spent a long time without this Love. I could never imagine living another moment without him. He is my valentine’s day.

I love you, Rob. So very much.

my love
my love

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