dating and singlehood · faith · family · sex series and stuff · womens issues

My husband wishes I had tattoos

I’m not really going to criticize a post like this because I believe his intentions were good. No, great. I’m sure in his head he was thinking how good God’s grace and love is, how it is reflected beautifully through marriage, and how beautiful his wife dressed in white truly is. But I think in the end that this one would have been better kept to himself. At least until he was older and wiser. And here’s why.

What I wanted him to say at some point is that his “dream wife” was misguided and immature at best, infantile and obnoxious at its worst. His dream woman was based on a fairy tale. Like whatever the male equivalent to Disney princesses is, his notion of his bride to be must have been magical. But we know in real life, magic isn’t real, at least not in the way you think, and that while he may have found a virginal wife with no questionable past, he wouldn’t have the wife he now has. The real magic is how a woman with such a past, like the one he described as his wife, is now unblemished and white as snow. She is perfect and pure, as she clings to the savior who won her purity for her. And my wish is to say this to all women who have ever felt that they were less than pure, less worthy than some “good” girl who didn’t have the list of life experiences she has.

Purity is not what you do or have done. It was not lost with how you used to spend your nights. It is neither earned nor undone by your choices. Purity is the cloak Jesus earned for you on that darkest of days centuries ago on a wooden cross. Purity is a gift. It never expires or loses its value. It doesn’t not apply to certain people or circumstances, and it isn’t used up or given away. You are redeemed and always will be. Your standing before the throne of a just and holy God is not threatened by your past, your future, or by those who judge you. If you cling to the cross, you are, simply put, pure. And – don’t miss this truth – you are not less pure than a woman who has never had sex, gotten drunk, smoked cigarettes, did drugs, or gotten tats. In fact, that woman could be less pure than you, if she is not repentant of her own sins and clinging to the cross you and I cling to.

wedding dressAnd the right man for you is right now dreaming of a pure woman, loved and sought after by the Creator Himself, bought with a price, made holy and lovely, and being made more lovely every moment she believes. And as that man is also clinging to the cross, you will meet and see in each other nothing but the cloak of righteousness and beauty, made even more beautiful not in spite of the past but because of it. He will recognize in you a true belief and repentance, a true faith and strength, built from a hope hard-bought and a confidence that nothing can shake. He won’t find that in just any woman. He will find it in you, and it will blow all his dreams away.



5 thoughts on “My husband wishes I had tattoos

  1. Thank you so much for writing this! I am a 30 year old wife (for 10 years next month) and mom (we have 4 fantastic kids together). I came from a rocky background and am so thankful for the Christlike example my husband has set in seeing me as I am now. That is, not ignoring my sins, but seeing me redeemed and lovely as I strengthen my relationship and understanding of my Maker.

    Incidentally, I have several tattoos. My husband made a gift of the one of my wrist, a lovely, henna styled depiction of a peacock (my favorite animal), which covers some ugly scars obtained during a time in my life where I didn’t know God. I also have his initials decoratively swirled beneath my wedding band (he has my initials under his — A 7 year wedding anniversary present to one another). I also have a substantial decorative shoulder/back piece. None of these were obtained in angst or rebellion, they have all been placed thoughtfully for both modesty and body changes. They each reflect joyful celebration of the unmerited gifts God has given us. My husband says I am lovely, and the tattoos are really just another way of wearing a pretty dress and fixing my hair (except they are way less work to maintain). 🙂

    Anyway, I appreciate your work here. Thank you for taking on this topic. Well done.

    1. Thanks for sharing. I love tattoos and have yet to get one. I had commitment issues… also why I married at 39. 🙂 I love henna though which is far less commitment obviously! My husband does have a tat and I’m not sure I would have married him without it. (Mostly kidding) Thanks again. Blessings to you.

  2. Just found your blog and am loving what you are saying about sex. I am a 50+ woman, happily married for 32 years and know that the best sex is married sex (and yes I too bought into several of the previous 10 things you had mentioned in your other blog). I think women and men ought to know that it is okay to stop and begin again. Forgive yourself, God has!

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