While we were dating, oh so long ago, I had to ask myself pretty early on, “Self, are you willing and ready to be the wife of a pastor? Of a church? In the PCA?” It was a legitimate question. It’s the question any woman needs to ask of herself when dating someone who wants to be a pastor.
Am I pastor’s wife?
Now the question has layers. Parfait has layers, as does an onion. Sometimes it is complex. The question is both about me and about my husband. The question requires more questions.
What IS a pastor’s wife any way? What does it mean to be married to a pastor? Does she do certain things, act a certain way? Should she look like the wife of a pastor, and if so, how?
And then is Rob a pastor? What is a pastor? Is it, simply put, a man who is paid to preach and teach a local body of believers? Is he then not currently a pastor? Is a pastor a paid job or is there something more inherent going on?
I was talking to someone recently about our pastor search over the year and half we’ve been married. Rob has been searching longer of course. I said something about being a pastor’s wife and then said something about not technically being a pastor’s wife at the moment. I realized something about the differences we generally view about the pastorate as a profession. If he was a doctor, but not currently employed or practicing any where, would he not still be a doctor? If he was in the service and had a rank of general, wouldn’t people still use his title, even if he retired? Or is it more like a busboy? I don’t know anyone who would refer to themselves as a busboy if that’s not what they were currently doing. It may feel a little like being a busboy as a pastor…
God is giving me more time to consider these things. He has told us no to several possible paths and He has said wait to a few more. He keeps bringing things up though. Rob keeps getting opportunities to be pastorly, whether providing pulpit supply or being asked to perform a wedding. It feels at times, if I’m being completely honest, like God is just teasing him. It’s hard. It’s hard to watch and hard to trust.
But I do trust God. Though He slay me… and so this blog gets a new look and new name. I proudly reclaim this space as the wife of a righteous man and I fully intend and commit to continuing to forge forward as such for all my days. We wait on Him who knows us and is ever mindful of us. We believe, help our unbelief.