God is running out of time. I prayed. I gave Him three years. I said, God, if you don’t give me x,y, and/or z by 2015, I am going to have to make a motion to… well, to do something, because clearly You aren’t.
Sounds insane, right? Not to mention audacious, rude, brazen, disrespectful, and just outright sinful. But you can’t tell me you haven’t felt this way. You can try to convince me you haven’t played the time game with God in your life, thinking that there is a reasonable amount of time that He should take to bring about change or an answer to prayer in some way. And no’s don’t count.
We all have our idols – those pesky things that we want more than anything and we reason with God on why we should have it and we search the Bible for assurances that we’ll get it. Usually good things – a spouse, a child, a good job, health, safety. All good gifts. We ask. We plead. We make crazy ultimatums. We weep. Also, all good things. God clearly tells us in scripture to do these things, to not give up asking, to not stop pleading our case before a good and gracious judge. And like the widow in Luke 18, who came every day to plead her case, we wait on the Lord to give us justice, to right the wrongs, to set things straight, and to do it speedily. According to the English Standard Version any way. And what does “speedily” mean? Over and over, God tells us – He promises us – that He will not delay, that He is quick and has perfect timing. Is timing irrelevant to God? I don’t think so. I think timing is everything to God. And what feels like “late” is not late. It’s something like a wizard always arrives when he means to.
But I get tired. God knows this. Oh how He knows this. Like Hannah crying in the temple, looking like a crazy person, I pray for answers and a break in the clouds. The ever darkening increasing clouds that seem to part for a moment only to be overtaken by darker clouds still. Every few weeks, we seem to be dealing with one more thing and I get tired. And I fall again at my Daddy’s feet and I say, I have asked from You. Let Your servant find favor. And He says, wait. And I say, how long? And He refers me to the Book of Church Order.
Kidding… (inside joke, sorta)
It’s frustrating. I am admitting it. I’m frustrated. I wait. I pray. I plead. I cry. Any day now, God, would be great with me. You know my heart. You know I don’t want anything, no matter how good and satisfying it may seem, if it isn’t best – absolutely best – straight from You. I’m a fairly resilient person. I can handle a lot. I am also resourceful. I can make some things happen if I really want them to. God, don’t let me. Don’t let me run ahead (as if I could) and fall with a house that was built in vain. I don’t want that house. I want the house YOU build. Help me to want that house. Help me to want Your timing. Help me not to look around at anyone else but You. Help me wait well. I have nothing without You. I have everything with You. No amount of time will ever give me more. Thank You for Your all. Remind me that I have it. Amen.