arts, movies, music, pop culture · faith

repenting of my heroics… or how the Avengers movie should have ended… insert spoiler warning here


So the last Avengers movie showed us something that we just didn’t think could happen. They lost. I was floored and upset and mad. I’m still sore about the whole thing and didn’t realize I was sore until I started watching a trailer and realized I was emotionally spinning. Enough of that.

There is this scene where Dr. Strange and Iron Man are trying to save the world, because what else are they going to do, and Strange tells him that he tried every possible scenario and nothing works out except this one thing. “there is no other way.” And it lies within Iron Man doing something but we don’t know what because then Strange disintegrates and Spiderman gives a gut-wrenching performance and we all can’t hear what is being said next because of that chick yelling at the screen. Oh right, that would be me.

So painful.

For those not as into these hero movies, maybe you recently had a real-life experience where you just wanted to be the one who came riding in on the white horse and saved the world. the company. the organization that needs to close its doors. the church that is slowly dying. the friend whose marriage is falling apart. the spouse whose not able to work as hard as he used to. the aunt who was diagnosed as stage 4. the son who can’t seem to hold onto anything in life. the daughter who just keeps making one bad decision after another.

We know these stories all too well. And even more than me not being able to watch a movie trailer – so much more so – we just don’t want to watch. We turn off the tv in our heads that replays all the painful, horrible scenes of the lives in chaos all around us.

So painful.

We need a hero.

We’ve never needed a hero more.

But we’ve also never needed a hero less.

And maybe it’s when I’m most honest with myself, I fall into despair because I can’t be that hero. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have all the right words to say. I can’t MAKE people do anything they don’t want to. I can’t put an end to the sadness. I don’t know how to fix things. I so desperately want to fix things. I can’t even fix my own mistakes, let alone any one else’s.

The hero in the movie has to realize something. The hero has to realize that it means giving up everything. Not in an ends justify the means kind of way, but the means justify the means kind of way. The means are the ends. Like what do you mean?

Isn’t a hero still a hero if things don’t work out? A hero dies. Others die. The hero did all possible to save. That’s what makes a hero a hero. And if we are still being honest, we haven’t given everything. we’re still alive. I know this because you’re reading and I’m typing. And I don’t believe in ghosts.

So I’m back thinking about how I become a hero. I want to be the hero of my story. I want to save people I love. Heck, I want to save people I hate just so they owe me. Ok, now we’re derailing… and so it goes. I’m not the hero I need. I am too often the hero I deserve. And I make more of a mess than we started with.

Is there a hero who saves so completely and so graciously that we would follow him any where? is there one who gives his all to save the world AND comes back to free us from all our greatest enemies? It isn’t me. You knew that.

My money is on the curse being reversed and everything being set right again. And I’m thinking that Iron Man has to die to save everyone else. Has to be. That’s what I’m sticking with. Because the strongest and most pig headed of us has to be cast aside. The arrogance and the refusal to accept our part in the destruction will kill us eventually. We need a sacrifice of epic proportions, not to satisfy a sadistic, or at the very least misguided, god, but to set everything back and to change our souls. All the sad will come untrue. It has to.

We’ll know it. We’ll see it. And we’ll get to be part of it.

And maybe we’ll get capes.



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