Fathers and Brothers of the PCA:
I am no longer a member within the PCA, so you may rightly discard the contents of this letter. I appeal to you in the name of Jesus and through his Spirit to not ignore my testimony. I implore you to come and listen like the townspeople of the woman at the well who told them, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?”
I had been in the PCA for 15 years. Jesus came and sought and found me after a decade of wandering so far from home. It was in a PCA church where I saw Jesus most clearly, fell hardest on my face before him, and found fellow sojourners and worshippers there at his feet. I was welcomed as a prodigal daughter, coming home to a Father who celebrated with all of heaven and restored me to where I belonged. And as I repented and committed my life back to Him and the work of the church, I saw how beautiful the Bride of Christ could be and should be.
And as my husband, a true shepherd, would say often to me and to many, “Redemption is far more beautiful than perfection.”
My life was tragically imperfect and continues to be filled with imperfections. Yet Jesus loves me still, fully known and fully loved, and through His kindness, I am drawn to repent, convicted by my sin and failings, comforted by His patience and steadfast love, fully forgiven and redeemed by the finished work of Jesus on my behalf. Over and over and over and over. This is the Gospel at work in us.
But what is the Gospel at work in the church? What does the blamelessness of the church look like? How do we enact this Gospel confidence in each other that rises above the mercilessness and the unkindness of the world?
We in ministry for the past few years are quite aware of the growing sentiment of lack of compassion from the broader evangelical community. For those in ministry here, we have seen the deep wounds of actual cults and of strict fundamentalist beliefs that have caused great anguish and long term spiritual trauma; healing from which takes years and lifetimes. Anyone called to ministry in these times must be increasingly building the capacity to speak to those who have been in a lifetime filled with fear of scorn and shame and being isolated, ostracized, and abused. Many who come to our churches here have been cast out by the only communities they have ever known, in turmoil for what they have done, longing for something that gives them relief from their shame or provides meaning for the pain they have endured. It is our offer of Gospel confidence that frees them to see Jesus more clearly and more beautifully, and in time to see the community of believers as more beautiful and, importantly, to view church leaders as far less hateful and abusive of their power and authority over others. And it is in this humble, gracious, merciful posture toward those most hurting and broken that we engage and offer an encounter with the one who has told us all we ever did.
What happens when we fail to have this posture? What does it look like to fail to offer this mercy to others, to each other, to ourselves? Is this not at the very heart of the crises in which the American Evangelical landscape currently finds itself?
We all know the story of Job. Elihu should be our model of engagement with suffering and with anger. He was angry at what was being said that caused harm. He was angry at Job for misrepresenting God. He was angry at the friends for mischaracterizing Job’s sinfulness.
Did Job step over a line? Yes. He blamed God in ways that were disastrous. He made statements that were untrue. What did Elihu and then God himself do? Punish him? Further berate him like the other friends? Demand sacrifices and groveling? None of these things. Elihu and God himself told Job the truth. They reminded Job of the awesomeness and omnipotence of a good and righteous Creator who takes great pleasure in His created beings and cares deeply about the details. Nothing gets past our God. He is indeed worthy.
And in the end, who was punished? Not Job. Job was repentant. He was repentant enough for God. Job sinned. He acknowledged it. He sat in ashes. And God was pleased with his heart. It was the friends who antagonized and barraged him with scorn and rebuke. It was the friends who failed to offer mercy and kindness while sitting with Job in his suffering. His friends failed to have the humble gracious posture of those who have seen and tasted the goodness of God and offer it freely to all who have need of it.
Fathers and brothers, consider these things like Elihu who spoke of a desire to justify Job, to redeem his life from the pit, and do not be heavy handed or fierce with each other.
“Behold, no fear of me need terrify you;
my pressure will not be heavy upon you.”
I ask, then, who among us has felt the heavy hand of the discipline of the church? It is, unequivocally, the victims of abuse.
And like Job many have languished under the weight of consciences bound by the heavy-handedness of process without caution, shepherding without kindness, and deliberate corruption of the truth. It is the shepherds that God and the prophets have the harshest words for in their neglect of the sheep and the great harm they cause.
Many of us have watched carefully as events unfolded around us in our PCA churches over the past few years, heightened by fear and fearmongering, the hubris of leaders who shut down questions and even conversations surrounding complex, painfully personal issues of abuse and church discipline. We have cried out in our hearts to God who we know to be just and good, wondering when He will rise and meet us in our pursuits of truth and clarity.
And in light of the ongoing very public battles against abuse in the church across denominational lines in multiple countries across the globe, those of us in the PCA were encouraged by the existence of the Ad Interim Committee on Abuse appointed by General Assembly. The report was much anticipated guidance and a balm to our souls. We felt heard and understood in ways that we had not before the report’s existence, many of us doing work locally and at great personal expense to better understand, mitigate harm, and prevent such abuses in our own pews.
So when the investigation of the SJC on the case for TE Dan Herron not only eschewed the wise counsel of the committee and disparaged the expertise of some of the DASA committee members, but egregiously discounted copious, clear evidence of guilt to the many offenses during the course of the trial itself by both Herron and his defense team, countless survivors of abuse reeled in shock and horror. Firsthand witnesses to the trial reported multiple issues and causes for great alarm. We were dumbfounded and continue to be in utter dismay at this turn of events. We will continue to be so deeply wounded and traumatized by these verdicts for years to come. Countless, unknown numbers, of survivors of all manners of abuses will sit silently in pain and anguish, unable to express their fears and discouragement. Some of us had held hope for a more just and truthful engagement in our personal experiences of abuse at the hands of elders and other church members, praying for clarity and discernment in pursuing our cases. An unknown number of survivors will never pursue justice or reconciliation now. We’ll never know just how many people have left because all hope was lost in this single case. I would not wish this agony on any soul.
I beg of you to take this moment to prove to all of us that the PCA has men at the helm who can guide us through with the end in sight, with restoration and redemption as the guiding principles of our engagements, and that there is still a place for broken, wounded sinners to come and see Jesus, that they will not be beaten down when they get here, and that God’s mercy -and therefore ours- is more, stronger than darkness, and new every morn. I beg of you to reconsider the message that has been pronounced loud and clear for all of us who have ever survived abuse and have prayerfully considered disclosing it. You are responsible for our souls. You have greatly damaged us in ways you have yet to comprehend. We do not demand perfection. We expect and long for redemption of all things. How this can be redeemed feels beyond hope to me. But I live in hope.
Redeem this. Now. Restore this breach, the massive chasm that you have created for those most in harm’s way. Repair the streets that have been damaged by your careless and reckless investigative process and the belligerent disdain that has been allowed to run this case into the pit of lies and deceit. I am appalled by the lack of clarity and cult-like maneuverings and aggressions against the sheep and their advocates time and time again in this entire process. You have allowed great evil to fester and thrive in plain sight. It is deplorable. Christ have mercy on your souls.
Redeem this. Redeem this for the sake of the souls who have sought refuge in the care of the PCA, for those who believed that our polity and shepherding care will avoid such blatant corruption of truth and hypocrisy of leadership. Redeem this for the sake of your wives and daughters who one day, God forbid, may find themselves seeking help from the concerning behaviors of your fathers and brothers in the courts. Redeem this for the sake of Jesus’ beautiful bride who rises up to say No More.
And for those who find themselves as survivors who are now scrambling to make sense of this all…
First, you are the woman at the well. You are known and loved. Jesus sets before you the cup of living water and you can drink it fully and without hesitation. He knows all you have ever done and HE LOVES YOU. Be free in this place of rest.
Second, I believe you. I believe you have faced demons that your attackers have never seen, at least not for what they really are. I believe you have been threatened, belittled, dismissed, dehumanized, and isolated. I wish I could say this has not been my experience. I have seen beauty in the church and the kindness of the saints, but I have also seen such arrogance and hatefulness. I know you have too.
Third, I implore you to seek true safety. You are right to be concerned. You are right to doubt the integrity of anyone who could see what you have seen and rationalize it away. You are right to cry out to a God of justice who sees all and knows all to be your Judge and to redeem your life from the pit you find yourself in.
The courts of the church have been corrupted by this proceeding. Your Presbyteries are scandalized by extension by this verdict. If the highest court can no longer seek justice, what justice can be had at lower levels? Can we find refuge elsewhere?
I believe Jesus himself is calling us out to be a refuge to each other. If you are in need of help and have deep concerns about the direction your church session is taking, or you need further counsel on how to address abuse of any kind in your local church or Presbytery, please contact a third party resource first. This is not insubordination nor is it unwise. Only those who border on or crossed into abuse of spiritual authority would suggest otherwise. Outside counsel from a trusted resource is prudent and ever more so as our communities become more biased against abuse advocacy and against the expertise of those who have been involved in these issues for decades. You must consider your own safety and the safety of those you love with all due diligence.
I am. I have considered it. My teaching elder husband who has labored in the PCA for 30 years has considered it. We left. We can no longer stick our heads in the sand and pretend these things are okay or that they will correct themselves without causing exponentially more damage in both the short term and the long term. We are no longer called by God himself to make the sacrifices necessary to enable and perpetuate these systems of abuse and fear. No more. I beg of those who have the discernment to consider the tasks they are being called to do and do them without fear.
For the sake of Jesus and His Bride,
a woman set free
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the wife & times of Reverend Wootton 